After we talk everytime, I have this awful feeling. A feeling of desperation and sorrow. I hate feeling this. I can’t help but cry and feel all alone. Every single time. I can’t deal with it. I hate it and it shouldn’t be this way, but it is. It is normal now. If it was any different it wouldn’t be us. 

I know that it has been awhile, but I have not really felt like updating my thoughts. Everything has been so crazy. Lately, my world has revolved around Peter, school, and complaining about everthing. 

I do not want to complain anymore. I just want to be happy with what I have and at what life throws at me. I need time to be happy with who I am. 

(Source: staypozitive)

For spring break I am in Naples , Florida! I love the beach! I remember when I first went to the beach in fifth grade to Jekyll island! I love being a child and running in the ocean and riding the waves! I love collecting seashells and I just love relaxing. However , I miss Peter a lot. He is in st. Barthes and I didn’t think it’d miss him this much. For the first time I have actually thought that I could spend forever with him. He is constantly on my mind. I went to Naples with the Jordan’s and the Hartmans. I feel bad for leaving my dad and I am still frustrated about driving but I love the sun and sand!!

(Source: perfectbucketlist)

(Source: kellyleighisme)

(Source: words-you-never-heard)

(Source: cumatyoulikeaspidermonkey)

Even though it has been many years, I still remember what today is. Today is Andrew Bassett’s and Caitlin Matsen’s birthday. A day that I will always remember. I look back on the times I had with each of them and remember how much I loved them both. Now I merely have feelings of loss, but three years ago at this time, I would be saddened by it, but now I look back on it and am happy. I am happy that I had that experience and that I learned what I now know. No regrets.

However, I feel a deep sadness for other reasons. Lately, I have had strong feelings of discontent with peter. I feel that this relationship is going no where and not improving either of our lives. I miss the old times. I miss being single and partying without having to worry about my other half. I don’t know who to talk to, but I know that I need to talk to someone about it. It is hard because of all the great times we have had and I don’t think I want this relationship to continue. I just want to end it. 

(Source: lovelessandlooking)